


take my mind and take my pain

by invawes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Drug Addiction, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional Roller Coaster, Eventual Smut, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-12 15:49:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4485471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/invawes/pseuds/invawes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angsty AU in which Levi is manipulated into arranged marriage by his abusive and homophobic father. Things get worse when Eren, fledgling journalist, accidently finds out the whole thing is a scheme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have no clue what i'm doing with my life at this point. The whole idea seemed brilliant to me at the begining but now I realise someone might have already created something like that. Yeah. I'm so sorry for any grammar or collocation errors. I kindly ask you to correct them for me since English isn't my native language and I'm still learning. I'm putting this thing on the Internet because I love sharing stuff like this with people. I hope Levi isn't too OOC. I still haven't decided yet whose POV I will eventually stick with. I want to also apologise for my narration of abusive behaviour. I haven't experienced it myself but I did my best to make it realistic.  
> Perhaps you'll like it? Or not?

“I do.” He felt the weight of these short yet heavy words on his lips. The words that became as well his own life sentence. The moment they escaped his mouth he could hear the rattle of the nonexistent chains, tying him up, depriving him of ability to breathe. But the show had to go on. He put on his well-rehearsed smile. His eyes were fixed on the woman’s in front of him, but his gaze was hollow. Only the person who received this look was able to tell how blank it was. They said eyes were the windows to the soul. His soul was absent that day.

_You may kiss the bride_

So he did. Her lips were soft but he didn’t miss the sound of her heart crushing into pieces. At that very moment he felt more sorry for her than for himself. But this sound soon died down as people started to applause, unaware of what really just took place in front of them. They turned to the cheering crowd, facing the lights from many cameras directed at them, smiling faces wishing them happiness. Little did they know it was wishful thinking. Chances of them being happy ended once they entered the church.  
He managed to put up a facade, high enough to hide behind it. But when his eyes met with his father’s, the person who was responsible for ruining so many lives that day, he felt the facade slightly quake. He received a small nod of approval. For being that wonderfully convincing. He felt like vomiting.

The chains tightened up in the reminder of the inevitable. 

He turned his head to have a look at his mother. The reason he agreed to all of this. His beautiful, understanding and innocent mother who didn’t deserve the pain she’d have gone through if he hadn’t sacrificed himself. It was for the best. It was for her. Her heart wouldn’t have survived if she had known. Literally and figuratively. He realized she was living her own prison too. They were all imprisoned in this family. And there was no escape. His father had managed to be the one to pull the strings. 

She smiled at him, the warmth of her eyes reaching Levi. Perhaps she had an idea something was off. But that idea terrified him even more.  
I love you, honey. her eyes seemed to speak.

Levi shuddered. There were no doubts from now on. It had to be done. He couldn’t hurt her like this. He was a bad person for even considering backing down.  
The ceremony was over. But the show wasn’t. It was meant to continue for the rest of their lives.  
They walked out of the church, accompanied by reporters who took countless photos of them, fighting for the best lighting, angle and pose. His eyes skimmed the photographers, the predators ready to feed on every single left piece of their dignity. In the position to sniff out the potential scandal just in time. It disgusted him. They didn’t hold back. They had no morale. However, he didn’t allow the disgust to reach his face. He still was on stage. He didn’t care what he’d read about them the following day, his only concern was how his mother would take what she’d find in the press. She was all that mattered.

He squeezed Petra’s hand in a reassuring gesture. She also didn’t deserve this. He didn’t hate her. He couldn’t. She also became a victim to his father’s political strategy. However he couldn’t bring himself to form any sort of affection towards her. He was fully aware it wasn’t her fault. Nevertheless, all he could feel was indifference. In his heart there was no more place for any other feelings. The whole space was occupied by insatiable and growing hatred towards his father. 

He subconsciously went back in his thoughts to the day when everything had fallen into pieces.

 

Since he was a child, he has regretted coming into this world. The first time his father has laid his hands on Levi’s mother, he thought he’d misinterpreted the whole incident. But then it happened again. And again. And once more. And little Levi felt powerless as he couldn’t do anything about it. Utter hopelessness haunted him in his dreams ever since. 

Those chains were by his side all along.

His father had an impeccable reputation. He was the CEO of the biggest companies in the entire Seattle. He had contacts in each department in the local government. He was untouchable.  
As for Levi, he was a black sheep of the family. Problems at school. College dropout. Noticeable liar. Drugs issues swept under the carpet. Nobody knew, not even his mother. Besides his father. Still, the rumours that spred throughout all those years remained in the memory of those who happened to become his father’s little puppets. The police who claimed to be impartial always ended up playing on his father’s side in his manipulative schemes. Entirely unaware.  
That was why he stayed completely passive. At the beginning he thought he’d eventually get his vengeance. Even if he didn’t have any evidence. There was a time in their lives when things were rather calm. Times that made his mother and Levi think things would turn around for them. But it was this sort of calm that usually occurred right before the storm. 

So the storm began. 

It started with his mother having a heart attack. She nearly didn’t make it. The doctors gave her little chances to survive. Due to all those years by her husband’s side, always believing in him to change, in his inner good, she managed to utterly, physically and mentally wreck herself.  
Surprisingly, within two days she got better and the critical condition was soon called off. 

He blamed himself. He felt awfully pathetic for letting his father ruin her like that. Seeing his mother unconscious left him trembling at night, afraid of the possibility of losing her. The only person who made his childhood bearable. 

That was why right after he made sure she was stable, he fled away from the hospital, finding himself giving into one of his weaknesses in the dark alley. It certainly didn’t help him forget but it was a promise of a clear mind for at least a few hours. He knew he was a terrible son for leaving her like that. The battle between him and his addiction was a foregone conclusion. He failed miserably. He’s never forgiven himself for what had happened back then. He doubted he’d ever be able to. 

His father came back from his business trip two days after his wife had been admitted to hospital. Levi expected the necessity of having conversation with him, but what he couldn’t foresee was him finding out his son was gay.  
He remembered pretty well what happened after that, despite being under influence. His father throwing photographs into his direction. Sharp words, screams, pain in his skull, thousands of insults he already put up with on daily basis. 

_Numbness._

His father was more concerned about his son liking it up in the ass, than his wife nearly dying. Strangely, it didn’t surprise him.  
The photos depicted Levi and one of his one night stands pressed against each other on the park’s bench, on one of the cold and windy days in late December. As Levi found out they were used to blackmail his father. The person wanted nothing more but money. His father dealt with it immediately. Another not-surprise.  
Levi could stand his father hating him. The feeling was mutual. 

_Indifference._

“You wouldn’t do this to your mother, would you, Levi?” 

_A twich._

“Would you really hurt her this way? Her only son? If the press finds out and all of this unravels, you being not only a hopeless drug-addict but also a cocksucker?”

_Fear._

“Do you think she’d accept you?”

_Pain._

“You don’t deserve her love. Look at you, drunk and heaven knows what else, while she’s there, alone. Her son abandoning her. Disaster, not a son.”

_More pain._

“It would kill her. Would you kill your own mother, Levi?” 

Levi’s whole body was shaking now, tears streaming down his pale face, dark circles under his eyes visible more than ever. He couldn’t believe he was being played like this. He couldn’t let himself be manipulated. His mother loved him unconditionally, his father was a lying piece of shit. Drugs seemed to be coming down but none of these made any sense. She wouldn’t reject him, she… 

Would she?

Levi registered his name being called twice before he was able to respond.

“What?” was all he managed to blurt out.

He let his father get under his skin. Again.

“You’ll cut this crap right away. You are going to marry a nice woman. I have already figured it all out.”

The sudden wave of feeling disembodied struck through him like a lightning during heavy but anticipated storm. He could see himself sitting by the table giving a small nod of acknowledgment.

“Petra Ral. I’ve had my eyes on her mother’s company long before you were born. Poor old lady is going kick the bucket soon.” His father stated, his voice not inviting any dissent. “Her daughter isn’t planning on taking over the family business. I want to be the one to help them. I’m sure she’ll love you. She’s asked about you a few times. Seems interested. She’ll cure this disease of yours.” He commanded unfazed by the state his son was in. 

He couldn’t bring himself to protest. He simply listened, utterly vulnerable, his heart now on display, being manipulated by the man who claimed to be his father. 

“You’re either going to be reasonable and follow my orders or else your mother finds out. Be smart, Levi.” He spoke in a slow manner as if discussing a contract with a client.

_Hesitation._

“I would disown you in the end, but I’m afraid it would be the least of your concerns. I have a feeling, however, it would upset your mother. Well, to be precise, you would upset your mother by that. Her heart is too weak to handle the scandal. Are you this selfish, Levi? Are you?” he ended in a way people playfully chide little kids. 

_No._ he wanted to scream. _You manipulative bastard, you can’t make me think any of these is possible._

“Make a choice, Levi. “ he said softly it made Levi want to puke.

 _It’s not much of a choice._ He thought. No matter what he’d do, he’d always end up in the same position, hurting his mother. He was too deep in lies to now be backing down. 

“Let it be.” He drawled out feeling each of the letter stung painfully. 

“Good decision.” He heard in response.

_Despair.  
Utter despair._

 

They received many greetings that day. Meaningless “thank you’s”, fake smiles, laughs, colours of his wife’s flushed cheeks flooded the surroundings around him. 

_Wife._

It’d take a while for him to get used to this term.

He thought the hug from his mother would provide him in any sort of comfort. It didn’t. He had to lean in as she was sitting on her wheelchair. She was too weak to stand on her own. 

_Yes. I have made the right decision._ This thought occurred to him, as he got into the black limo awaiting for them, ready to drive to the wedding reception.

_I most certainly have._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im still cringing over the fact how poor my vocabulary is.

Life isn’t exactly thrilling when it lets you know you’re not living it to the fullest. Especially when in fact, your long-awaited career, doesn’t even live up to your childhood expectations.  It hit him hard, head-on collision, realising how much of a distance there was between his dreams and grim reality. Ah, the joy of adulthood.

He has always wanted to be a journalist. Fighting for the truth, serving men in the street, exposing every little peck of dirt in the pockets of the politicians suits.  Striving for revealing dark secrets that hideous corporations attempted to hide under their thick carpet. Promoting freedom of speech and every man’s privilege to have access to information.  He thought long and hard about this, back when he was in college and lack of motivation seemed to be taking its toll. He couldn’t wait to get his first real job, ready for making his dreams become true. Well, until he got the job itself, which was a miracle, really, finding an actual vacant in one of  the quarterly newspapers in the unknown and big city called Seattle.

Okay, he surely didn’t expect to become an editor right away or get the very own column but he really hoped his first assignment would be something remarkable and worth telling his kids in the future.  So when his supervisor told him his job was to edit a horoscope column, he thought he really shouldn’t have neglected going to the doctor. Because there was no way in hell his hearing didn’t have any disorders. Sadly, his ears worked fine. His life, on the other hand, became a complete misery. It gave him grief, it really did, to the point of considering giving up his dream and going back to his hometown, defeated and humiliated. He knew Mikasa would have his back and support him no matter what. However, he moved to pursue his dreams and failing, let alone disappointing the people he cared for gave him a rather unpleasant feeling in the chest.

The feeling passed after a few weeks when his motivation returned from uncalled-for holidays. He got back on the track and started visiting his boss’ office more than necessary, making casual statements how much of his potential there was to waste if he were stuck for life with zodiac signs.  He almost got fired. Almost.

Persistent, as always.

His boss called it annoying.

Nevertheless,  his persistence succeeded and a month after he found himself in the waiting room in one of David Ackerman’s companies, unable to sit still, dying in anticipation for his first big interview with the owner. He didn’t really know a lot about him, apart from what he found in his research and learnt from questions he was supposed to ask. Big fish, great publicity, lots of contacts. The latest merge of his firm with the Ral’s insurance one, followed by his son’s marriage with the owner’s daughter, was the breaking news in the latest issue of their newspaper. Eren wasn’t convinced by how coincidental it was, he had a hunch something was off but since everybody treated the man with such respect, he decided to put his prejudices aside and focus on doing well.

The longue was empty, receptionist nowhere to be found, probably off to make herself another cup of coffee. The sun beamed its way through the windows, lazily warming the armrests of the black leather couch. The weather was surprisingly cold, even for September, so Eren deeply enjoyed the rays of sunshine tickling the nape of his neck.  He ran through his files a couple more times, rehearsing his part of the interview, before he got bored and started playing with his phone. He was quietly cursing under his breath, trying to beat his latest score in Flappybird, when he heard the footsteps. 

“Finally” he thought, shoving his cell into the pocket. “There he comes.” 

The expression of his face went from determined into disappointed as soon as he realised that none of people who had just entered the building were David Ackerman. Eren sighed leaning against the couch,  growing more and more irritated. How long was he supposed to wait now? He knew the man was busy but the receptionist had told him he’d be there in the nick of time.  Like hell, he was.  He took a quick glance at people who were now making their way through the hall, talking in a hushed manner. They were trying to remain quiet, that was sure, but he was able to make out that they were arguing, nonetheless.  Subtle.

His gaze stopped at the man with medium-length, raven hair. He was short but the way he walked, implied that he was not the one to mess with. He seemed to be emanating some kind of aura, creating an invisible wall between the man and the surroundings. Dark circles under his eyes said it all. However, they couldn’t conceal the intensity of his look, capable of piercing holes in your body when necessary.  His intimidating eyes were hidden under furrowed brows. He spoke in a low, yet harsh manner. Eren studied the man’s face, taking in every detail. He was intrigued by the way he presented himself. He barely spared a look at a woman by his side which left him feel bemused. He didn’t want to linger on that thought, though. 

Both of them didn’t notice Eren as they walked pass him as they were too involved in a fierce conversation. He still managed to overhear a snatch of their dialogue.

“This thing is already falling apart, Levi…”

His interest piqued. Levi? Wasn’t it David Ackerman’s son?  The woman might have been his wife, then. Petra.

“How long do you think it’ll last? Someone will find out sooner or later, you’ll…”

The woman’s voice died down as they entered the nearest room.

_This was it._

He felt the rush of excitement as he anticipated the possible outcomes of the idea that had just flashed through his mind. 

But was is the right thing to do?

_His chance._

Before he could stop himself, he was already by the room where muffled voices were coming from. He leaned in, careful in his motion. The door was half open. It’s not like he was eavesdropping for fuck’s sake. He was simply doing his job. Making his dreams come true. He held his breath in so he could hear the pair.

“Levi, listen to me, I can see you’re hurting. I am, too. “ Petra cried out.

Eren could practically _feel_ the thickness of silence that had fallen.

“Levi, talk to me…”

“It’s irremediable. You know that.” Came out a sharp response.

“I just want to help you.” She said softly.

The bitter laugh that escaped Levi’s throat sent a cold shiver down Eren’s spine.

“You can’t.”

She didn’t say anything for a while, searching for words.

“We can’t pretend our whole life. It’s been only two weeks and it is  already obvious you’ve had enough.” She  suddenly snapped at him. “People will be able to tell and you know it, Levi.”

Eren felt his insides turn in uncomfortable knot.  Was it really what he thought it was?

“You think I don’t fucking know that?” his voice cold yet raging filled the entire atmosphere of the room. “You have no fucking clue why I’m doing any of this so don’t you dare go all sympathetic on me.  I know you didn’t deserve this and I’m fucking sorry, I really am but…”

“Excuse me? Mr. Jaeger?”  the familiar voice of the receptionist startled the hell out of Eren.

He mentally cursed himself for being unwary. Luckily for him, she hasn’t noticed him so far. What was people’s deal anyway? Was he really this transparent? He casually started making his way to her, putting on a polite smile still trying to wrap his head around what he had just witnessed.

“I’m here!” he called out.

But then two things happened at the same time. As he gave away his presence, he realized he had undoubtedly been heard by the people from the room behind him.

_Shit._

He gave a horrifying yelp as he felt a strong grip on his shoulder, forcing him to turn around.

“What the…”

He was welcomed by the coldest glare he’d ever seen. Levi’s eyes were pinning him to the ground, burning with anger.

“What exactly have you heard?” he thundered and Eren thought if he were to die today, the dead look in the man’s eyes would be the one to kill kim.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about, I was just passing by, didn’t mean to eavesdrop!! He stumbled over his words, trying to figure out the safest reply.

Smooth as fuck, Jaeger.

Levi proceeded to stare at him before he opened his mouth.

“Are you deaf? I just fucking asked you to tell me what you happened to overhear.” He drawled out in a low and threatening manner.

Eren couldn’t help but stared into the man’s eyes that were still fixed on his face and a strange thought occurred to him. Apart from straightforward anger, he was able to see a barely visible hint of fear.

Levi was afraid.

It caught Eren off guard.

“Mr. Jaeger? Mr. Ackerman will speak to you now.” the receptionist cut them off, observing the whole scene with a rather confused look on her face. She had no clue what just happened.

Eren cleared his throat, mumbled out quick “Sorry, I have to go.” and turned on his heel leaving furious man behind. He really hoped he wouldn’t start chasing him.

Eren didn’t spare him a single look, not daring to check if Levi was still there.  He walked over to the receptionist and followed her upstairs, trying to get a grip in order not to fuck up his very first interview. He decided to reanalyze the whole incident once the meeting was over. He took a deep breath and entered the office.

 

 

David Ackerman was just as people described him. He was polite, eager to answer questions and didn’t raise his voice once.

Eren didn’t like him. He seemed downright fake and created an impression that behind this perfect façade was something more. He knew it was a gut-feeling presumption but he liked to listen to his intuition. And his intuition was now telling him that David Ackerman was a plain fucker.  

He pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a deep sigh, waiting in the elevator to go to the ground floor. He decided to buy some chicken noodles on the way home where he’d begin editing the interview from the scratch.  His thoughts went back to the incident with Levi. He felt truly intrigued by what he had heard and couldn’t help but thought he discovered some really nasty secret. What if it was something big? He was aware that in journalism he’d have to handle dubious ethics. He always wondered how far he’d come for justice. Would he eventually  loose himself in the fight?

The elevator gave a loud ding which made him jump a little, occupied with his thoughts. He headed towards the exit and as soon as he left the building he heard his name being called.

“Eren Jaeger.”

Eren’s heart missed a beat when he looked up and saw none other than Levi Ackerman sitting on a bench outside the firm. His lips were pressed in a thin line, elbows rested on his knees, hands folded. He looked determined.

It took a while for Eren to gather up the courage and walk over. He knew he’d have to deal with it, sooner or later. But why was he feeling so intimidated by him, anyway? It wasn’t like Levi could kill him.

_Right?_

He sat on a bench beside him but before he could even open his mouth, Levi cut him off, now completely possessed and collected.

“I’ll pay you any amount of money you want. “ he stated calmly, his gaze fixed on the ground.

_What the fuck._

_“_ How do you know my name?” he ignored the proposition, staring at Levi with bewilderment. He must have looked funny, his eyes wide open in complete confusion.

“Didn’t you hear me, brat? Any amount.” Levi rolled his eyes, repeating his offer. “I’ll give you shitload of money and you’ll forget what you’d heard earlier. Are we clear?

“Why?” he blurted out.

 _Dammit,  Eren, act like a professional._ He mentally facepalmed himself. _Own the situation._

“Don’t play stupid. You’re too easy to read. I get it, you want a scandal, you’re young. Blah, blah, blah.”

“I don’t want any money.” He explained firmly.

This caused Levi to finally avert his gaze from the ground to study Eren’s face. He caught a glimpse pain in his eyes, that the man had failed to hide. The second later it was gone, blank look back on its place. They stared like this at each other for a while.

Abruptly, Levi stood up so now he was looking down at Eren.

“I have no power to stop you from proceeding on whatever you choose to decide with this piece of information.” He simply said and cleared his throat. “But take into consideration the fact that if you make the wrong choice, you’ll have way more on your conscience than your young heart thinks can handle.” He rewarded him with a one more glare and walked away, leaving Eren conflicted more than he’d ever been.

He stayed on the bench for a little longer. What was this all about? He wondered whether he was the one being manipulated but then realised that pain in Levi’s voice was impossible to feign. He couldn’t help but felt the aloofness in his behaviour was a straight up disguise.

 _What the hell happened to you, Levi?_ He thought as he started making his way to the bus stop.


End file.
